Val has re-surfaced and is back on Earth.

Today I saw Val for the first time in a month. She has been studying her skinny ass off to get the best possible grade she can at St.John's Law School. It is her second year and she is studying herself to death. Every time I see her there is less and less of her. Of course I am proud of her and happy that she is nudging herself through the turmoils of the school that is Law. But when I step back, and step back I can , since this semester I am surfing along with not a care in the world. I wonder, are we living the lives our parents and friends want and expect us to , or are we truly living out our dreams? In the long run - will these minutes and hours of cramming really make us happy?

We start at a young age memorizing, drilling, solving, copying, analyzing every single thing we are taught. To be well-rounded. To be intelligent. To be accepted. If you let yourself choose an activity or activities with which to occupy your time and money had nothing to do with it - would we be cramming for our Law exams or NCLEX exams? All this effort, and for what? Financial security? Valerie always ponders this thought. I always try to calm her, reassure her. "It's just one more year. Just work your ass off and you'll be set." Set for what exactly? More work. More time away from happiness? More time away from Kevin, me , her parents , her friends...Larry (her Boston Terrier).

What is the point of going to school half your life and then working the second half? To raise your kids? To provide for them? What kids? Most of us ( friends) don't even have kids yet. Our parents, and their parents before them, worked their collective ass's off to invest in us,in our educations , so that we can go out and work and invest in our kids educations, so they can can go out and work , and so on and so forth. Where is the beauty in life, when you spend the best years, your youth, with your nose stuck in Civil Procedures 101 ? Kevin would day, "It is the right thing to do. She will always have money. Always have a job." But whenever Val talks about the aspects of Law that make her happy and excited and truly capture her interest, he, like many others, simply doesn't understand/ Why, for instance, would she go intern with a Judge, for free, instead of getting a paid position? There is logic behind it of course. Why waste your talents without getting something in return. But why is it so bad if hat she gets in return is not of monetary value, but rather of life value. What if witnessing and learning how the system works , how to help people is what makes her LIFE a happy one to be in? We, as a society, especially us Jewish-Russians, don't place much weight on Life happiness when it comes to your careers, but rather on security and stability. Can there ever be a happy medium?

I for instance love the work a Midwife does. And ever since 3 years ago I changed paths from becoming a Veterinarian to becoming a Midwife, I can't say I regret it. But when I see Yuliya, my future sister-in-law being on -call at the Brooklyn Birthing Center and missing key points in Gary's (her 3 year old son) life. When I see it interrupting her relationships and her LIFE happiness, I wonder if that is the best path to take. I am on this route now, and because I am 23, going on 24, I am not about to change my mind now. I will complete the course-work and finish it. The thought of seeing everyone around me finishing their master's degree's and me struggling like a turtle to finish my Associates in Nursing (a stepping stone to Midwifery) is shameful at best. But I imagine having to leave my husband and my children in the future to tend to a stranger and the thought pierces right through me and screams in protest in my mind. I feel torn, between my need for success and authority and ego, and my need for LIFE happiness and satisfaction. In my case, monetary value has little to do with it. The difference in salary between an Associates graduated RN and a Midwife (and RN with a master's) is less than $10k.

So, while I support Val through her Law School struggles and sacrifices, in the back of my mind I wonder, "Am I being a hypocrite?"